We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
