We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
