You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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