I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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