I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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