If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
