yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
