We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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