"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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