did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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