You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
