i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
