it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
