i just sent this text using only my big toe
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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