I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Found your dick twin last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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