I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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