Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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