hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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