Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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