ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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