Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I could fuck to npr.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize