I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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