Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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