apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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