Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
