my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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