why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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