My liver just broke up with me...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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