Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
