is your mom at the bar?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You're like the curious george of whores
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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