He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
