I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
