I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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