Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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