Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.