dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.