Jerry, you need to find god
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke