we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!