Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.

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(410): apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual. http://tfl.nu/y4h7

Replies (18) Good night (1383) Bad night (624)
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(810): View more from Michigan

i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

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(810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7

Replies (19) Good night (4184) Bad night (614)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!

(864): View more from South Carolina

Because men are children

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Touche

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(832): Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child! (864): Because men are children (832): Touche http://tfl.nu/qtuf

Replies (217) Good night (1411) Bad night (3511)
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(480): View more from Arizona

my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

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(480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion http://tfl.nu/golc

Replies (263) Good night (3526) Bad night (31428)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"

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(778): we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go" http://tfl.nu/uvr2

Replies (3) Good night (3236) Bad night (778)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well

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(215): And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well http://tfl.nu/3wlz

Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (1670)
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(425): View more from Washington

It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.

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(425): It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends. http://tfl.nu/8ygs

Replies (2) Good night (1899) Bad night (813)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.

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(314): I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads. http://tfl.nu/vfmt

Replies (6) Good night (2592) Bad night (708)
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(503): View more from Oregon

If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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(503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6

Replies (11) Good night (2086) Bad night (611)
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(440): View more from Ohio

she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday

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(440): she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday http://tfl.nu/5s11

Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (554)
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(706): View more from Georgia

URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?

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(706): URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll? http://tfl.nu/orbc

Replies (17) Good night (1597) Bad night (301)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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(306): dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high" http://tfl.nu/ssrm

Replies (3) Good night (954) Bad night (223)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

(720): View more from Colorado

I mean come on

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(720): Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off (720): I mean come on http://tfl.nu/0ezx

Replies (8) Good night (259) Bad night (683)
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(620): View more from Kansas

Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"

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(620): Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner" http://tfl.nu/uhkx

Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (171)
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(805): View more from California

We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...

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(805): We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians... http://tfl.nu/wh6c

Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (175)

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