WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole