I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
True strength comes from lack of pants
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.