call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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