12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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