butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
