i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize