Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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