Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
