I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you bring me the toilet please
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
