Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
