Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
