some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
