Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
