Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
