TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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