Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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