lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
