I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Life is so much better after having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
