I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
