My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
