Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
