i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
