you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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