Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have tasted many bathrooms
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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