I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
