"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
