Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
