guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
