My first STD was from a foam party
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
