I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
