She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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