Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
