I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
