gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
