Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
