I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
