is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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