So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
