please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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