I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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