Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize