I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
