There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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